Several weeks ago Sebs woke up screaming, hyperventilating, he was terrified. He was screaming for my mom, whom he calls “MiMi”. My husband and I calmed him down and rocked him back to sleep in our bed. Ever since that night, our perfectly founded, rightfully bragged about sleep routine has been busted. He has to fall asleep clinging onto my arm, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night, whether it be 10pm or 3am he comes barging into our room and climbs into our bed to peacefully return to dreamland.

Now, I wish my son’s nightmares were standard edition. Where I could make a bottle of “Monster spray” or show him that his nightmares don’t come true, but I can’t. His nightmares are that we will all leave him, though he can’t associate the word yet, he’s afraid we will die. How do I compete with that? I mean it’s true isn’t? I don’t dare tell him MiMi isn’t going anywhere, because if you had asked me several months ago when my dad was going to die I wouldn’t have said October 28th, 2015. We had no idea, it was sudden and out of nowhere and that’s where Sebastian’s nightmares come from.

If I go to the bathroom, he is beyond excited that I am “back”, like he thought it wouldn’t happen. It breaks my heart and I comfort him the best I know how. So I let him hang on to me in order to fall asleep and let him curl up in our bed. I want to break those habits, more so my husband can sleep well than anything else, but I don’t know how at this point. When he comes home from his NaNa’s house and then asks if we can go to BaBa’s house on the moon, my heart breaks. I am overjoyed that almost 7 months later he still talks about my dad everyday, but I am so saddened that the experience has left him so afraid. He is terrified of losing anyone else that it is crippling him from being left alone.

All through this experience I have talked to others in similar situations, read books and articles and in the end I have just trusted my instincts. But right now I feel lost. I simply don’t know how to help him and as a mother that feeling is devastating.


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